THEY CALL ME ISHMAEL written by SCOTT UTLEY

My name is ‘Prophet’ but they call me, ‘hey, you!’ I am a penniless drifter shod poorly. I’m diseased & despised. I sing for a seat near the hall down the path to the shed used by swine. I’m gleeful with joy for any place to dine. Crafty by circumstance, I am blessed with a spark of divine mind. I trade hope for shelter. I barter truth for a comfortable lie.
I feel privileged, indeed, honored to share my most cherished possession with whatever lurking beast or saint there may come a knocking on the door of my rice paper heart. The possession I speak of is my inner light, my love; the most powerful force in the universe. More often than not I possess neither food nor shelter but light has never me down. My huckster mind tries to convince me otherwise yet to the joker inside my skull I say, “Shyster thoughts be damned!” Belief does not make an invidious fantasy real.
Those evenings I am cold, angry, lonely, rejected & filled with remorse for coming to this place in the first place are the very same evenings I forget to be grateful. On these occasions nights crawl painfully slow to that trickster called dawn. What I lack in essentials I make up for in wisdom. Vagabond wisdom is priceless so I give it away for free. I must. Like my father before me I stand hunchbacked, just as his father before him. My deformed stoop is the result of an incalculable weight I carry upon my shoulders.
My mother was born & raised in New York City’s west side shanty town; Hell’s Kitchen. My father was orphaned at the age of two under crushing dank Mississippi Delta poverty which knows no equal. Perilous & foreboding omens for both of them yet they overcame their twisted fate of birth with passion, ideals & love… at least for a time. They had to dig deep to survive. I have had to dig even deeper but I have learned to love getting my face dirty. Either do that or die.
Sometimes I wonder if being born deformed & senseless is easier to bear than this weight, this soul numbing weight. I fear the worst should I stumble or fall. I fear for the innocents striding between land & cobalt blue seas. When I fear it is because I’ve abandoned gratitude. Sometimes my unbridled dejection paralyzes my connection to god. It is easiest then to dismiss divine light as a dreamer’s hallucinations run amok. And I do. Yes, I do. I dismiss like a diva.

prophet hhhhh

8 Comments Add yours

  1. Dear Scott, a short while ago you were kind enough to visit my blog and post an extraordinary message on my post ‘Tribute to my Father’. Finally, I have arrived at Planet Lobster and find myself almost at a loss for words as I am so in awe of the inner light in your soul. Your voice quickens my heart … and pain, empathy, compassion and suffering are the colliding emotions that your story evokes. You are a beautiful and extraordinary human being and I hope one day to share bread with you.

    “And then God will certainly give you more light–light that can withstand any doubts the mind can bring up.”

    I shall be in Los Angeles on Saturday and will be in the City of Angels for the rest of the summer.

    In the meantime, I will search and read every post on your blog. You have changed the direction of my river.

    Thank you. Michele

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I remember you & your words very well … you have left me speechless… me, of all people 🙂 … I must return to say so much more … for now, my soul thanks your inspiration … I jut my chin forward & down towards the pavement … I bow in prayer …. it is telling & fitting that you & Wandpen.wordpress.com share this page … thank you…. thank you ….

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Scott, so good to hear from you. I feel connected to you in a way that is beyond my reasoning. I return your bow and pray that the winding road affords us a glimpse of one another. This morning I am waking up in Los Angeles and feeling that familiar surge of tingling energy in my spine which signals the next level of the spiritual adventure. Scott, thank you for your inspiration. May you be blessed in every step you take…

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Scott Utley says:

      I look for you constantly.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. wandpen says:

    The shadow land between doubt and certainty is a trying place to be. I pray for you this prayer,

    “Let me not be in disgrace on the Day when men will be raised up―The Day whereon neither wealth nor sons will avail, But only he will prosper that brings to Allah a sound heart.” (“Shuara”, the Quran)

    I like your description of the tug of war between the heart (the king of the soul) and the mind (the king of the physical body). I think it’s pivotal how you pinpoint lack of gratitude as the doorway to the dark. It’s interesting that you say they call you Ishmael, because in the chapter “Abraham”, the Quran says,

    “If you express gratitude, I shall certainly give you more.”

    Gratitude, hope, even “the spark of divine mind”, all reside in the heart. It’s dangerous to let the heart die. But it can be rejuvenated. You just need to light the spark–with thanksgiving and prayer. And then God will certainly give you more light–light that can withstand any doubts the mind can bring up.

    “Allah says, ‘I am as My servant expects Me to be. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me a hand’s span, I draw near to him an arm’s length; and if he draws near to me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a fathom’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.’ ”
    (Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him)

    “You will be answered as long as you are not impatient and say, ‘I have made a supplication and I have not been answered .’ ”
    (Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him)

    I’d say “happy writing” (since you’ve started a novel) but I’ll end with “happy soul searching” instead.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have read the above comment several times.

      I am still speechless. You have broken my jaw.

      There’s so much more I have to say.

      I will say it too, in time. There’s no rush.

      The god in me bows to the god in you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. wandpen says:

        Well, you have been missing from the blogging world. When’s the next blog post coming up? I think I’ll update my blog before you do.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. SCOTT UTLEY says:

          i dare you … 🙂 i have been tending my garden a new creation i am thrilled over i will fill you in soon the Ishmael peace together with your comment is a rapturous god shot – am just about to record my part -i will get it 2 u -u maybe do the same -combine them – great important art – later gator 🙂 scoxxxooosco

          Like

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