Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is your flight attendant speaking: Please fasten your seat belts. The captain has asked me to remind you, there is no smoking permitted in the lavatories, and to tell you we are going down!
Our fiery crash landing into the snow-capped mountain below should be painless… but one never knows. The temperature at the site our destination is uncomfortable. Should you require assistance upon our arrival, do not hesitate to call upon your flight attendant. Beverages & continental breakfast shall be served at Heaven’s Gate, located in the main concourse compliments of our lord, Jesus Christ. Everyone is welcome except for Reverend Fred Phelps of the Hillsborough Community Baptist Church, Topeka, Kansas, sitting in aisle 2, seat 2, you are going to hell.
Because Freddy, www dot god hates you dot com.
Thank you for flying our friendly skies. And have a nice day.