THIS JUST IN:
BREAKING NEWS ON CNN
TERROR WARNING OVER TOOTHPASTE
I have been telling people for years that using toothpaste would one day blow their face apart. Did anyone listen to me? NO! So that’s what they get.
CNN & those of it’s ilk remind me that if I believe anything spewing out of the canker sore mouths of news anchors, politicians, government spokespersons, my infectious disease doctors, my team of specialists down at the old Twist & Shout… actually, if I believe anything anyone says about anything without doing my own research, then I deserve what I get. I don’t though. Thank god for that. Thank god for you. Thank god for me & everyone else who questions authority.
THIS JUST IN JUST LIKE THE LAST ONE
ALL CONCERTS HAVE BEEN CANCELLED
MUHAMMAD IS DEVASTATED
JESUS ISN’T THRILLED EITHER
REMOVED COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT
I have been thinking quite a bit about people lately. I like people. I like Rattlesnakes too, but I don’t feed the birds. Go fuck yourself!
That sounds crazy, and harsh too. I apologize. I take it back. Go fuck yourself if nobody else will. I’m joking. Ha. Don’t go fuck yourself without me.
I don’t know what has gotten into me lately. Ever since JAY LENO left NBC’S TONIGHT SHOW, it has been this way. The entire population of the USA located in the middle of the Americas between a rock above us & a hard place below us is in a ‘funky town, electric blue avenue’ kind of mood.
I do not want or intend to be a hater of humanity. In truth, I sincerely love people & people love me. People who love people are the happiest in the world. Without their irksome shrieks rattling the cages of the ruling class-clown cabals, the rest of us wouldn’t even be alive to bitch all day long the way you do. How sad would that be? What else … ?
OK then…here is my little short story I dedicate to my mother, Edith Ann, who taught me that if telling the truth will hurt me or others, then lie. And to my dear childhood friend, PATTY ANN, who taught me that beauty, brains, a beautiful body & being ridiculously wealthy are far more than enough to get anything you want out of life. She should know. My little story will then be followed by a brief public announcement from Ms. Laurie Anderson.
Thank you for your time, your support through cash donations & for hooking me up with your crack dealer. It is through the generous support of people like you that keep entitled people like me totally enabled. Have a nice day. Oh yes, a word to the wise, don’t brush your teeth tonight.
UPDATE: I REMOVED MY SHORT STORY BECAUSE I COPY-WRITE INFRINGED ON MY OWN WORK. THAT IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE.
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